FINALLY

I have had no time to blog--still don't, I'm posting this covertly from my temp job but...this morning I *finally* saw a number below 200. I think it was 199.8 or something, but still, it was BELOW 200 for the first time since I was IN MY TWENTIES.

On a related note, I was shopping at TJ Maxx with one of my friends Sunday and found a cute dress I could afford that not only fit, but looked great on me and did not come from the plus section. That hasn't happened since my twenties, either.

I'm a little verklempt.

Shrinking feet

I've lost 100 pounds now, and my feet have definitively shrunk. I used to wear a size 9 shoe, mostly due to my foot's width--my feet are short and fat, just like the rest of me. I now wear a size 8, average width. I can still handle wearing an 8.5 shoe comfortably, but wearing a 9 makes me feel like I'm clomping around with a kayak strapped to each foot. I thought my beloved Chucks and Vans collection contained more 8.5s, but alas, twelve pairs of them turned out to be 9s. (Four aren't pictured here. I've sold three pairs to friends already and can't bear to part with one pair of my size-9 Chucks because I love them so much--at least until I find a smaller replacement.) It took me years to collect these and I love them all. It's hard to let them go.

This collection is going to force me to enter the world of selling on Ebay rather than just buying. People will pay $20-30 for a pair of Chucks in this condition on Ebay. I just think it's weird that my feet shrunk. In high school, I wore a 7.5 shoe; I wonder if my feet will get that small again? That would be weird. I have a bunch of Birkenstocks I haven't even looked at yet--oy. That may be the next bunch I have to shuffle around.

The cat in the photo is one of my three--the elder statesman, Nunzio Motorboat. He loves hiding in the closet and probably the collective smell of these shoes, and it may be my imagination, but I think he looks a little alarmed in this picture.

I've been having a ball on Ebay buying smaller shoes. I haven't limited myself to Chucks and Vans, just fun sneakers. A lot of people buy things they never wear and sell them for cheap. Last night I won a fun pair that are turquoise with Boston Terriers on them.

It's only a number...

...so there is no number. I love my socks. :)

Saturday 9: I Saw it on TV

1. What new TV show rocks your world this year?

I loved "Terriers" and it got canceled. I like "Mike and Molly", and "Hot in Cleveland" is fun.

2. What is your least favorite ethnic food, and what makes it your least favorite?

Thai. Peanut sauce, curry, just the smells alone are disgusting...as for the taste, I don't do spicy.

3. When does liking someone a lot become loving that person?

It just does; I know when it does, it's a feeling.

4. Is there a job you would do for free, and is it your current job?

I do photography for free a lot, and no, it isn't. :)

5. What is one person/thing that inspired you to take action of some sort?

My dearly departed best friend inspired me to leave a relationship that was extremely toxic to me. I will always be grateful to him for that.

6. Though you might not believe in it, would you like fate to exist?

Sure; much like God, Jesus, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, it's a nice idea.

7. Tell us about a news story that truly shocked you.

It happens quite often. People who are held prisoner and tortured/deprived for years and years and years are right up there.

8. What's something you're looking forward to?
Continuing to live. Everything.

9. What characteristics do you despise?

Weakness, ignorance, lack of compassion, lack of humor, closed-mindedness.

18 months out!

I had my 18-month appointments last week, and everything is going well. It was a little surreal. My bloodwork numbers were awesome. I still haven't gotten below 200 pounds yet, which is somewhat frustrating; the scale has reflected every number and fraction between 205 and 200.9 in the last month. My nutritionist said, "It's only a number, remember how far you've come. Think about your progress." The surgeon had the same types of things to say, and it was a little surreal, hearing these kinds of phrases from several medical professionals all in the space of one day: "You're healthy." "You look good." "You're doing everything right." I had to keep shaking my head to remind myself it was real. (Where were these people when I weighed 150 twenty-five years ago and the doctors were all up in my grill? When I was torturing myself and being tortured about my weight all through my teen years? I can't even think about it very long or I go bonkers.)

I'm taking the supplements, I'm swimming, and I'm looking forward to getting plastic surgery. (not getting it per se, but the final result) I will probably try and get it when my temp job ends, working around any other job I may get and also my school schedule. It's amazing to feel this good and love silly things like buying clothes on Ebay. A lot of women my age could care less about that stuff and it does seem frivolous when you're 42, but you know what? I don't have kids so I'm not depriving anyone else, and I never got to feel young and pretty, whether I was or not. I didn't get to enjoy being young, period. (Frankly, being 'young' was hell for me.) I'm not going to apologize for feeling younger and better than I've ever felt, or wanting to do 'young' things at midlife, cause I think it's amazing! It's this amazing GIFT that I've been given, but also one I feel that I've earned. I have worked for it and will have to continue to work for it, and it is so very worth it.

Mind...boggling.

Puttering around before my new job starts on Tuesday, I'm getting some calls made and trying to get over a cold that decided to appear at the eleventh hour. Imagine my shock when someone from the surgical center calls today and tells me that our health insurance actually has provisions to cover panniculectomy and abdominoplasty, or, the procedures that may help to modify my appearance and make me more comfortable.

Panniculectomy is a procedure designed to remove fatty tissue and excess skin, or panniculus, from the lower to middle portions of the abdomen.
Abdominoplasty is a procedure involving the removal of excess abdominal skin and fat with or without tightening lax anterior abdominal wall muscles and with or without repositioning or reconstruction of the navel.

Thought I'd throw the definitions in there.

The insurance company wants weight to be stable for six months, BMI to be in the 30 range, bariatric post-op patients to be at least 18 months out, and for there to be other documented issues such as skin issues, interference with daily activities and where the skin hangs. (This last may require a photo taken by the doctor's office. Whoopee!) Liposuction is considered cosmetic, but then, so is removal of the skin so that the patient's back doesn't hurt.

I can't take time off to get anything medical done until my new job is over, and I am deeply skeptical of anything being easy, so until then I will remain...cautiously hopeful.

"Heavy", etc.

I found a temp job through tax season helping a local CPA, which I'm very grateful for; it will get me off unemployment for a couple of months and possibly allow me to learn Quickbooks. I start next week. It's the only call I've had an interview since November. I would also like to go visit my grandmother for a few days when the job ends.

I was watching the most recent episode of "Heavy" on A&E yesterday and it made me think, mostly for navel-gazing reasons. Bariatric surgery is never, ever mentioned on this show; I am wondering if they are trying to keep it out of the equation altogether because of its controversial nature--there are still so many people who think "it's the easy way out" or "it's not the right way to do things". (These same people don't seem to get that those who have bariatric surgery have to make all the same lifestyle changes and stick to them or they don't lose weight and keep it off, either. Part of me doesn't want to delete this blog just because I get so sick of these and other similar biases.

The two episodes of "Heavy" I've seen have both focused on two subjects per episode--one man and one woman. The woman in the most recent episode started out at about my beginning weight, but our body types were completely different. They cleared her to have the surgery for excess skin removal after she lost 50 pounds. Mr. Salted was watching with me, and I said, "See? It's the same as me!" She looked absolutely awesome afterward. At the end of her six months, she was about fifteen or so pounds more than I am now, but she looked fantastic and planned to join the police academy. I wondered if she looked so much better because of the body type difference (she is more of a pear where I am more of an apple)--or she could have been taller than I am, too. I have to have long shirts to cover my stomach, which always carries the danger of looking sloppy--it makes it really hard to find a decent blazer and look presentable for a job interview, and for any other occasion where I have to dress up in general.

So far, I'm still liking this show. It shows the real struggle: the pain people are in, the trying to relearn how to eat, how those around you can sabotage you, how you can sabotage yourself.

(An aside: during the holiday season this year, it was as though almost everyone we knew completely forgot about my dietary restrictions--we even had people mail us baked goods as gifts. Only two people, both women who have always been supportive, said, "I didn't offer you guys any of my cookies because I know you don't want them in the house," for which I thanked them profusely. For everyone else, it was as though the surgery and the struggle was just over and done with. I was more disappointed than angry. People just don't get it.)