Don't poke the bear.

Just got off the phone with the most unsupportive person I still have any kind of relationship with. This person is a family member. It was one of those conversations that not only veered crazily off into the ditch, but where pieces continued to fall off the car long after it ceased movement.

This person is sending me anti-bariatric surgery articles or trying to get me to look them up myself. "If insurance isn't going to pay," she asked, "why don't you try doing it another way?" "I just don't understand why you can't lose weight like other people do." "How did you gain so much weight in the first place?"

After several deep and cleansing breaths, I have the following response:

Don't poke the bear. The bear is hungry. The bear is pissed. The bear doesn't want to be awake in the first place, and I can guaran-dam-TEE the bear is *completely* sick of your BS. DON'T POKE THE BEAR. You may not find the bear's response to your liking.

Educate yourself. READ SOMETHING. Go to a seminar. Use the brains I know you have. If you want to discuss this issue, then by all means facilitate a DISCUSSION. Not an attack. These are two different concepts; look up the words and read the definitions for content if you need a refresher. A discussion on planet Earth sounds something like: "I was reading about x. What are your thoughts?"

The person you claim to love has been through a lot, some of it as a direct result of your actions, and has handled it by herself. Your particular techniques are not, have never been, and will never magically become helpful. If you continue to criticize and harp on your alleged loved one's every thought and action, as well as invalidating her valid and hard-earned progress, guess what? Your actions not only will not be appreciated--they will not be welcomed, nor will they be interpreted as having originated from a place of love.