Oh yeah, the weight loss thing...

There's not much of note to report on that front. I have continued to eat well and religiously take my vitamins and supplements. I keep my portions small, paying close attention to how full I feel--occasionally I worry about that because I am able to eat more now. Last night, I determined that I have to be wary of the bulk candy at work--they have M&M's and Jelly Bellys in big jars that we can help ourselves to. (I've still never full-on dumped from sugar, but if I eat too much of it, I definitely don't feel too hot--it can result in an unpleasant headache and things have the potential to get stinky--both good deterrents!) They also have protein bars sometimes, which makes me very happy, and we are provided lunch or dinner every day as well. The food is above-average quality, healthy and good for you; it isn't all stuff I can eat, but there is always salad available and at least one type of cooked veggie if I can't tolerate the meat entree (I couldn't last night, for example--it was some kind of Thai pork in peanut sauce and way too spicy for me). I haven't gained any weight, which is all I hope for at this point because I haven't been working out. I feel like things are in a holding pattern because of the swing shift schedule. I don't sleep all in one block of time; I often wake up relatively early and then doze on and off through the morning, setting my alarm clock for noon so I don't oversleep. I know that's not a great way to function, but we only have one bedroom and Mr. Salted is on day shift so it's hard to avoid. The swing shift thing is only going to last another month, so it won't be like this forever. Since I know where I'm going to be working, I can at least find a conveniently located pool I want to use. I'm also not sure about classes this quarter--there is one on two Saturdays that I could do, and two that are online I could possibly do; I need to call the instructors to be sure.

Nutritionist appointment

Just got back from nutritionist appointment #3. I lost (get ready for it) ONE (1) WHOLE FREAKIN' ENTIRE POUND. Two months = five WHOLE FREAKIN' ENTIRE pounds. To spare the expense of paying for a skywriter, whoomp! there it is. A concrete illustration of the reality of insulin resistance, sleep deprivation's effect on the cortisol hormones (I did not sleep one minute last night, fyi), and why I need medical intervention. 60 !@#$%^&* days, and I would say I deprived myself of anything that tasted really good for at least 55 of them.

I do like the nutritionist. She's easy to talk to, reasonable, and realistic. I forgot to turn my phone off and got a text during the appointment--the text ringtone is "Bust a Move", so she started dancing to it in her chair and we had a giggle. She didn't give me too much guff about that ridiculous craving assignment--she said a lot of people didn't even try to do it, at least I had tried. (I didn't try all that hard, it took all my energy to hold back the bile, but she didn't have to know that. I take my positive strokes where I can get 'em.)

She praised my food diary, which I have kept faithfully (grumblegrumblegrumble) and added caloric content when I had it. She recommended a couple of websites, calorieking.com and fitday.com, that have calorie counts on them. The new assignment is to incorporate more protein into the diet and begin to calculate that.

Protein becomes extremely important because immediately after surgery you are only taking in 400-600 calories per day. Post-bypass, the recommended protein intake is 60-80 grams of protein per day, which is a LOT. You're supposed to eat all the protein you need in a day before you eat anything else. I think the low-sugar Instant Breakfast and I are going to become even better friends than we already are. Apparently Atkins makes some protein drinks, and there is one called Muscle Milk that they sell at Costco and Super Supplements. SlimFast and Ensure have too much sugar (I thought I was the only person in the world who gained weight on SlimFast; now I know why I did). Milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, meat, tuna, tofu, peanut butter, nuts, beans, peas, lentils, cheese. She gave me a protein foods list with happy Clip Art illustrations of happy, happy food. Happy.

We talked about the water-drinking requirements for post-op. I'm drinking enough water, it's just how I drink it that is going to be different. You have to drink 16 ounces of water half an hour before eating, not drink anything while you eat, eat the protein first, drink 16 ounces of water after you eat.

We discussed the dreaded dumping syndrome, or specifically, sugar and dumping syndrome. I'll have to post more about dumping syndrome when I have the fortitude to research it further and make an articulate blog entry with some good information in it. Basically from what I gather, if you eat too much sugar, fat, and grease post-gastric bypass, you'll get violently sick. People don't know what foods are going to trigger dumping until they've had the surgery, though some have proven to be universal, and sugar is one of them. Simple sugars are apparently a huge culprit, so even the sugar-free chocolate isn't so hot because the sweeteners used in making it--the sugar alcohol derivatives, such as sorbitol--are catalysts for dumping syndrome. Splenda and aspartame sweeteners do not pose a problem.

She told me I won't be able to use chocolate to cope anymore. She wasn't mean about it, it was just a statement of fact. I told her I seriously thought I was going to need some kind of rehab. She gave me a food addiction website to look at and some sample questions to ask counselors if I got to the point where I could afford to see one. Since money is an issue, maybe a support group would at least provide some balm. It's not the amount of food or even the type of food I eat; it's the relationship I have with it. It sounds so trivial and silly, but it's a very real concern.

Tomorrow, the exercise physiologist. I'm so thrilled (NOT). It looks like I have to see him every time I see her, so, once a month. I'm not doing any more than I have to, and I told them that today.

Re: the disputed psych eval payment--I had to eat the $220 written report fee, but the billing person spent a good half hour on the phone with my insurance while I was there, who are now "reprocessing" the claim for the remaining $300.

Oh yeah, and it's snowing. WTF?

No more Ambien

It's been a week and I think this stuff is finally out of my body. I've actually had more and better sleep since I've been off it than I remember having in years. It's a spooky drug--probably fine for short-term use, not so much for long-term. It's been a hairy week, though; I basically lost the last several days to extended insomnia followed by many hours of crashing sleep. I had about a three-day, five-alarm migraine up until last night.

The good news is--now that I rode this withdrawal out--I feel more human and ultimately, more productive. I have a couple of jobs I'm going to go turn in paperwork for tomorrow, I scheduled a mammogram (I'm 40 now, have to do it, going to start bugging all my female friends who just turned 40 to do it too), and I'm trying to settle in for the six months of documenting what I eat. It's only been a couple of weeks. Sigh.

I am really trying to change my habits prior to the procedure, and I think even that is a big step in the right direction. I have to find more sweet things that don't have actual sugar in them, and I have to give up soft bread, which is really, really hard for me. I looooove fresh bread.

I'm thinking about this stuff all the time--how many calories is in this or that, how many calories have I had today, the smaller bites, etc. The sweets thing is what I'm the most worried about. For years I've said (only half-jokingly) I would go to rehab for my sugar addiction if I could. If the only way to satisfy the cravings were to shoot it into my veins, I am 99.9% sure I would do it--and I hate needles. I'm going to see if I can find some information on sugar addiction and read up on it a bit. Hopefully there's a good book available with some tips for how to shed this particular monkey from my back. It's not going to be easy.