"Easy way out, my dimpled badonkadonk!"

I had a good workout this morning and I feel fantastic! I keep trying other DVDs but so far, end up going back to Mr. Simmons--glitter, 'fro, and all. Goofy as he is, I can keep up with him, I usually like the music, and the workouts are fun.

I usually don't play favorites in any arena, but I have to say that my favorite blogger is Lyn, whose blog is Escape from Obesity and I recommend it highly:

http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/

She blogged the other day about people talking about weight-loss surgery as the easy way out. I've said many of these things I'm about to say previously on this blog, but I am going to repost a paraphrased version of my comments to her simply because I get so very tired of hearing this crap--which, in my experience, 95% of the time from people who have never struggled with their weight (and the other 5% just have Issues).

I tried EVERYTHING to lose weight. All my life. From "healthy" doctor-supervised diet and exercise programs to having a full-blown eating disorder (and I exercised then, too). I have the most success (by and thus far) with my gastric bypass at 9 months out (also including healthy diet and exercise), but the true test will be when I am two years out, five years out, and so forth. The adjustments I have made to better my lifestyle cannot end or my progress will stop or even reverse itself, and I am getting older and my metabolism is slowing down just like every other human life form on Earth.

I used to be TOTALLY anti-bariatric surgery when it came to me. I researched it and struggled with the decision to have it for ten years. It was not something I undertook lightly, in large part because I wanted to make sure I was not doing it because I hated myself or thought I needed anyone's approval.

My lab work and other vitals have to be monitored frequently, I have to exercise regularly, and it is my understanding that I have to eat and drink no more than approximately 1500 calories a day for the rest of my life--and that's 1500 calories of the limited foods my body can comfortably digest now, which leaves out anything breaded, bread itself, meat that isn't ground, anything fried, the majority of dairy, pizza, the majority of alcoholic beverages, etc. etc. etc. As of today, the majority of my food intake is protein shakes and South Beach protein bars. And you know what? I'm happy to make these choices and would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Do I think weight-loss surgery is the ONLY way? Absolutely NOT. I have nothing but respect and admiration for those who are able to lose weight with diet and exercise alone. It is DAMN HARD. I tried it many times, and I was never able to get below 250 pounds. (I have genetic predisposition, hormonal wackness, and I am over 40; perhaps that is why. Who KNOWS why? It just didn't work for me.)

Do some people use weight-loss surgery for the wrong reasons? ABSOLUTELY--and it blows up in their faces when they do. I have met many wonderful, noble folks who have been there, people who are still struggling valiantly to make their lives healthier and better--just as I am, just as the people who go to groups are, just as the people who are doing meal plans are, just as people who are doing diet and exercise alone are.

What deserves admiration and respect is still being in the fight. Still trying. Still learning. Still going back to the healthy stuff after a setback. Examining your own darkness and leaning toward the light. Acknowledging the experiences of others as valid even though they may be worlds apart from your own. We're not so very different after all; we all have our rocks to keep rolling up that hill in this life.

There is no easy way out of ANYTHING, ever. The only way out is through.

Allowed to dream

BariatricEating.com is Susan Maria Leach's website, and it seems to be a great one. I like her book very much, and I just perused the site for the first time night before last. They have all kinds of products for post-WLS folks, plus recipes, support, etc. I haven't ordered from them yet--I have to work my way through the stuff I've already bought. (I don't know what to do to make choking down some of these protein powders palatable. I'll keep searching and trying different combos to make them taste okay.)

They have one section of the site that is all before and after pictures, and it is nothing short of astounding. I found myself moved to tears by some of the photos. I could tell the people in them just felt better, more themselves in the "after" pics--often their new bodies came with new ways of dressing and doing their hair. Mr. Salted was standing behind me at one point, and I turned to him and said, "Look at that. I've always wanted to wear a dress like that. I'd love to be that size. Oh my GOD--I could actually get to be that size. Do you think that could really happen?" I actually surprised myself--my voice sounded more passionate than it had about anything in recent memory. He looked at me a little strangely--he had just told me a couple of hours earlier that he has never been all that conscious of his body. (That was in response to me belting myself into the car beside him and saying something, "You know, I lost 20 pounds. I look the same, but I don't think my stomach fat sticks out as far." He just shook his head; he tells me often that he loves my bluntness, but it takes him aback, too.)

The whole battle to get insurance to pay for this surgery has consumed me for the last several months. I was job hunting, I was freelancing, I was temping. I was seeing the nutritionist and the exercise physiologist. I took part in the food addiction support group and dug way back into my whole life to find every gnarled roots of my personal Fat Girl Tree. I just took it one step a time, because there were a lot of steps that had to be taken. I've learned in my life, time and time again, that you just keep taking the steps. Sometimes your feet are dragging and you think you're never going to get there, but you do. You just keep walking. If you have to take a seat and rest for a minute, you do, but you get back up again. My most concrete example has always been graduating from college. I put myself through with no help, dropped out four times, and it took me eight years to get an Associate's degree, another two to get a Bachelor's degree, but I did it and I'm extremely proud of it--and I'm much prouder of the process (and the simple fact that I KEPT TRYING!) than the product. I'm still making the student loan payments, and I wouldn't change the experience now for the world. I've always identified with Sisyphus for a reason!

I know that I've just started this journey, and that it's never really going to end, but it will evolve and allow my life so many more possibilities and opportunities for change. For much of my life, I've felt like dreams were all I had, and that every single one I had just seemed impossible. Looking back on it now, it seems that I never allowed myself to dream, because dreams were just one more luxury I couldn't afford. Now I feel like I'm allowed to dream, because I may actually be able to make some of my dreams happen. The little frivolous ones, like being able to wear a certain kind of dress or owning a dog, and the bigger ones--like publishing a book, going back to grad school, jumping out of a plane, and last but not least, growing old with Mr. Salted, who is both my good luck charm and my home. I want to squeeze every drop of juice I can out of whatever life I have left. I want to spend as much time with my friends as possible, because I feel good when I'm around them. The biggest transformation hasn't been physical, and even if I lose another 100 pounds, the non-physical transformation is what matters the most--I almost can't recognize the woman I am now as the extremely lost young adult I was twenty years ago, when I looked in the mirror and saw a monster, and didn't think she would live to see twenty-one and wasn't sure I even wanted to. I'm so glad I (somehow) held on. I'm extremely grateful for this second chance to treat myself better. I know not everyone gets one.