Summer

I wonder if all, or most, overweight people dislike summer, or at least hot weather. I know I do--it's a combo pack of being heavy, very pale, and allergic to bees. I am also heroin for mosquitoes. I have to have an air conditioner unit in the window to live comfortably from May or June through to about October. (I love Ron White's stand-up routine where he explains one of his divorces: "We had a thermostat"--that's the whole joke.) Summer also means more shaving, more sunscreen, more skin breakouts, and more hat hair. The best thing about summer and me is that I love to drink water and I don't want to eat heavy food in the summer, so fruit and veggies are pretty much all I want, with the occasional longing for sorbet or ice cream. Goodbye, old friends...

Right now I am especially uncomfortable because of all those factors added to the current ankle thing. Last weekend Mr. Salted and I were at a party, and I had to have him basically wait on me so that I didn't walk too much. (I hate having to be waited on like fire.) If I have to go to the store or walk much at all, I pop Advil first and put a brace on it before I go. I'm also tiring more easily just from concentrating on never bending the ankle wrong when I walk and coping with the discomfort in general. (I would have the ankle done before the bariatric surgery, but I have lived the last six months precisely as insurance requires to the nth degree, and we are afraid they will change the requirements or find some other reason to deny it if we delay it at all. The ankle doctor even put in his $0.02 and said to get the bypass done first.)

Yesterday the ankle hurt particularly badly and I needed to go to Costco. I really didn't want to go--it was hot and I was afraid the ankle would give out--but we really needed things. I put on the brace, went and survived. I looked into my cart as I unloaded it onto the checkout belt and was gobsmacked by the sheer healthiness of its contents. Any buttheaded fellow shoppers playing Look What's in the Fat Woman's Cart (I am making a conscious effort not to notice them these days) must have been completely amazed. The only "bad" thing in it was beer, and that's for Mr. Salted. (It won't tempt me--I also hate beer like fire.) Organic spinach leaves, snack bags of raw carrots, asparagus, apples, pineapple (my "splurge"--I adore the stuff and they were out of mango), Muscle Milk Light, organic free-range chicken broth, boneless skinless salmon fillets...

I'm thinking about food a lot lately, which is inevitable given this process I am in. I don't really care that much about potato chips or fast food--my main reason for eating fast food has always been that it's cheap and easy, not that it's so very delectable. I love bread and rice and will always miss them, but I'm getting used to not having them already. We're still eating a few things we have in the house that I won't be able to have, but there's not much of any of it left now. I will definitely miss the occasional mocha, diet soda, or margarita. I am used to drinking diet ginger ale frequently for my stomach issues, but that's already become a thing of the past. Ginger candy also works well, but I have yet to find a sugar-free version.

I have also been thinking--happily--that this could be the last summer that I feel this uncomfortable. I really hope so. Having a fully functioning ankle will also be tremendous, and something I will not take for granted. I've never been truly comfortable during the summer, even as a child, but I was never anywhere near as physically miserable as I am today. I will certainly be glad to see that end, and the notion that it is even possible gives me hope, motivates me, and gives me one more thing to look forward to.