still losing!

I lost two more pounds this week. This makes me very happy, since I have been testing my limits a bit--not bingeing or going crazy, but experimenting with food as part of the process of seeing what my system can tolerate. I tried a sliver of pumpkin pie without a problem, but I cannot eat a French fry or part of a grilled cheese sandwich. I can eat half a McDonald's hamburger (an occasional guilty pleasure). Any kind of soft bread, part of a bagel, is a no-no. This whole process remains a learning curve.

I hit a great big sale at Old Navy with a friend on Friday. It is so cool to be able to go into a store like that and buy myself decent clothes that are cheap--I can't even express how cool. They didn't have stores like that when I was growing up, at least not in this area. Plus-size stores were full of clothes that were appropriate for 70-year-olds only, and there was no Target. After my Old Navy shopping spree, I came home with about ten shirts and hoodies for myself, two for Mr. Salted--a huge bag of clothes for $120. Plus or super-size women would be hard-pressed to purchase two or three decent-quality articles of clothing for that amount. I will not miss the fat tax!

I had to go to Costco today for protein bullets. They have them for the cheapest price I've seen. I can hear you saying, Costco the Sunday before Christmas, are you inSANE? No, but I do need protein. I arrived shortly after the store opened--the place was already chock full o' lemmings. I kept my head down, a determined grimace on my face, and kept mentally repeating the words, "reconnaissance mission". (I don't know if that's truly the proper term, but it's French and sounds cool.) I swooped in and gathered my case of water, presliced apples for Mr. Salted's lunch, his coffee, three cases of protein bullets--the essentials. Everyone else had decadent delicious food piled in their carts, hemming and hawing about whether or not Aunt Madge would like these slippers, completely unaware of anyone else's personal space or existence in the universe. I made it in and out of there in half an hour--ankle throbbing, patience gone.

I am not a fan of the season of unreason. I despise, loathe and resent Forced Holiday Fun, both with relatives and at work, and so choose to participate in neither. I like giving gifts to a few people, and I played Santa for a family I know this year who needed a little TLC, which felt fantastic to do. I enjoy doing cards, so I do quite a few of them. I also love getting pictures of everyone with their families and/or animals--that's probably my favorite part of the entire holiday. The rest of it I can take or leave and would frankly prefer to leave. I'm SO ready for it to be over--yesterday.

Summer

I wonder if all, or most, overweight people dislike summer, or at least hot weather. I know I do--it's a combo pack of being heavy, very pale, and allergic to bees. I am also heroin for mosquitoes. I have to have an air conditioner unit in the window to live comfortably from May or June through to about October. (I love Ron White's stand-up routine where he explains one of his divorces: "We had a thermostat"--that's the whole joke.) Summer also means more shaving, more sunscreen, more skin breakouts, and more hat hair. The best thing about summer and me is that I love to drink water and I don't want to eat heavy food in the summer, so fruit and veggies are pretty much all I want, with the occasional longing for sorbet or ice cream. Goodbye, old friends...

Right now I am especially uncomfortable because of all those factors added to the current ankle thing. Last weekend Mr. Salted and I were at a party, and I had to have him basically wait on me so that I didn't walk too much. (I hate having to be waited on like fire.) If I have to go to the store or walk much at all, I pop Advil first and put a brace on it before I go. I'm also tiring more easily just from concentrating on never bending the ankle wrong when I walk and coping with the discomfort in general. (I would have the ankle done before the bariatric surgery, but I have lived the last six months precisely as insurance requires to the nth degree, and we are afraid they will change the requirements or find some other reason to deny it if we delay it at all. The ankle doctor even put in his $0.02 and said to get the bypass done first.)

Yesterday the ankle hurt particularly badly and I needed to go to Costco. I really didn't want to go--it was hot and I was afraid the ankle would give out--but we really needed things. I put on the brace, went and survived. I looked into my cart as I unloaded it onto the checkout belt and was gobsmacked by the sheer healthiness of its contents. Any buttheaded fellow shoppers playing Look What's in the Fat Woman's Cart (I am making a conscious effort not to notice them these days) must have been completely amazed. The only "bad" thing in it was beer, and that's for Mr. Salted. (It won't tempt me--I also hate beer like fire.) Organic spinach leaves, snack bags of raw carrots, asparagus, apples, pineapple (my "splurge"--I adore the stuff and they were out of mango), Muscle Milk Light, organic free-range chicken broth, boneless skinless salmon fillets...

I'm thinking about food a lot lately, which is inevitable given this process I am in. I don't really care that much about potato chips or fast food--my main reason for eating fast food has always been that it's cheap and easy, not that it's so very delectable. I love bread and rice and will always miss them, but I'm getting used to not having them already. We're still eating a few things we have in the house that I won't be able to have, but there's not much of any of it left now. I will definitely miss the occasional mocha, diet soda, or margarita. I am used to drinking diet ginger ale frequently for my stomach issues, but that's already become a thing of the past. Ginger candy also works well, but I have yet to find a sugar-free version.

I have also been thinking--happily--that this could be the last summer that I feel this uncomfortable. I really hope so. Having a fully functioning ankle will also be tremendous, and something I will not take for granted. I've never been truly comfortable during the summer, even as a child, but I was never anywhere near as physically miserable as I am today. I will certainly be glad to see that end, and the notion that it is even possible gives me hope, motivates me, and gives me one more thing to look forward to.

Another day of TCB

Today was bill-paying, laundry, post office, Costco day. I can't complain about going to Costco, since one of my dearest friends just had her husband take her there for their 21st anniversary--not to get her a present, but to buy groceries for the household. (That is about 87 kinds of wrong. Guys? Writing a nice love note still costs absolutely nothing.)

I was doing my strength training exercises yesterday while watching the World Figure Skating Championships on TV. It was discouraging to be tired from doing reps with 2-pound weights when these incredible athletes are jumping and spinning and dancing on ice, but I never claimed to even be of the same species as world-class figure skaters. I just enjoy watching that sport and always have.