I am losing weight again!

I saw 205.0 today on the scale--in the middle of the day, even. I may just see the 100s yet; I had just about given up, and the half-price Easter candy has been taunting me. It was especially gratifying because I weighed myself after a two-mile walk I had to force myself to go on in the cold wind. I've found a nearby park with a paved trail--it has distance markers and is mostly level, so I'm sold. There were, of course, lots of healthy hotshot types out there--woo and also hoo--but I try not to actively (ha) hate them because they're "beautiful"--it isn't any better than them hating me because I'm "not". I was quite annoyed, however, by some old guy (he resembled Moses, beard and all) that rode his bike past me slowly, physically brushing me when he had plenty of room to go around. He then doubled back, rode by and said something to me when I was on my way back to my car, which I couldn't make out--the music was up loud, and I flat refused eye contact. (I wear sunglasses whenever possible, but it was raining on and off today.) I freely acknowledge that I am easily irritated, especially when exercising (I'm sure that completely shocks anyone who has been paying attention) and/or having my dance space invaded (ditto). I also managed to organize my clothes and accessories, find a sports bra that fit at Target (it cost about 25% of what I've usually had to pay--go figure!), get laundry done, apply for a job, and talk to the unemployment people on the phone. They don't know if I'm going to qualify yet. I go to that informational evening class about the technical writing certificate next week, which also marks my third anniversary with Mr. Salted. I love losing weight!!!!

still losing!

I lost two more pounds this week. This makes me very happy, since I have been testing my limits a bit--not bingeing or going crazy, but experimenting with food as part of the process of seeing what my system can tolerate. I tried a sliver of pumpkin pie without a problem, but I cannot eat a French fry or part of a grilled cheese sandwich. I can eat half a McDonald's hamburger (an occasional guilty pleasure). Any kind of soft bread, part of a bagel, is a no-no. This whole process remains a learning curve.

I hit a great big sale at Old Navy with a friend on Friday. It is so cool to be able to go into a store like that and buy myself decent clothes that are cheap--I can't even express how cool. They didn't have stores like that when I was growing up, at least not in this area. Plus-size stores were full of clothes that were appropriate for 70-year-olds only, and there was no Target. After my Old Navy shopping spree, I came home with about ten shirts and hoodies for myself, two for Mr. Salted--a huge bag of clothes for $120. Plus or super-size women would be hard-pressed to purchase two or three decent-quality articles of clothing for that amount. I will not miss the fat tax!

I had to go to Costco today for protein bullets. They have them for the cheapest price I've seen. I can hear you saying, Costco the Sunday before Christmas, are you inSANE? No, but I do need protein. I arrived shortly after the store opened--the place was already chock full o' lemmings. I kept my head down, a determined grimace on my face, and kept mentally repeating the words, "reconnaissance mission". (I don't know if that's truly the proper term, but it's French and sounds cool.) I swooped in and gathered my case of water, presliced apples for Mr. Salted's lunch, his coffee, three cases of protein bullets--the essentials. Everyone else had decadent delicious food piled in their carts, hemming and hawing about whether or not Aunt Madge would like these slippers, completely unaware of anyone else's personal space or existence in the universe. I made it in and out of there in half an hour--ankle throbbing, patience gone.

I am not a fan of the season of unreason. I despise, loathe and resent Forced Holiday Fun, both with relatives and at work, and so choose to participate in neither. I like giving gifts to a few people, and I played Santa for a family I know this year who needed a little TLC, which felt fantastic to do. I enjoy doing cards, so I do quite a few of them. I also love getting pictures of everyone with their families and/or animals--that's probably my favorite part of the entire holiday. The rest of it I can take or leave and would frankly prefer to leave. I'm SO ready for it to be over--yesterday.

Thoughts after contributing to the tax base of my community

Mr. Salted got a bonus on this week's paycheck for not calling in sick (which is sick, but the money is quite welcome), so it was almost twice as much as usual. I have kept myself busy today by spending a chunk of it. I raced to Trader Joe's this morning to get there within 15 minutes of its doors opening--but it was still absolutely SLAMMED. I love the products they carry and their philosophies there, but a handful of my fellow shoppers were tap-dancing on my last good nerve--particularly one woman in the freezer section with no concept of anyone else's personal space. I thought of asking her if it was time to take our relationship to the next level--either that, or flat-out decking her. (No wonder so many people are on anti-anxiety meds.) I was also mightily amused by the amount of huge SUVs parked near the handicapped spaces. I did a cursory visual scan of the first adjacent row of parked vehicles, but there were no Hummers--this time.

An hour or so later, I hit Target. Can I just say, I adore Target??!?!? Again, not so much the fellow shoppers, just the store's merchandise and prices. It can be an extremely dangerous store for me to be in, especially when I know we have money in the checking account. I had a grand old time meandering along and scouring the clearance racks in a leisurely fashion with a nice sugar-free, nonfat iced mocha. Mr. Salted's birthday is tomorrow, so I picked him up a few extra things to go with the presents I'd already gotten him. (One of my vices is buying myself and everyone else little things too, when I can afford to. I reveled in that vice today.) For example, they had these adorable hippie-inspired hobo bags for $8 that I fell in love with--I bought two different ones. (I love hobo bags and I love the "boho" styles--one was even paisley, and paisley just makes me plain ol' happy.) The hippie flourish was in full swing all over the store--the 40th anniversary of Woodstock is this year, so they had the DVD and some great glasses, mugs, and picture frames, as well as T-shirts. I happened to be wearing an old rainbow tie-dyed shirt today and, coming out of the store, a woman I'd never seen before in my life told me she loved it--"it's gorgeous". (I am not ashamed to say that I truly, truly enjoy what I perceive to be the damn near Olympic-caliber irony of being a 270-pound woman who gets complimented on her clothes (jewelry, shoes, purses, hats) on a regular basis, most often by total strangers. (It's pretty cool, especially when you look at a lot of the "plus-size" clothing available out there. It's the many the catalog I have received and thrown across the room, sputtering, "Fat does NOT mean blind!" I also admit I enjoy it--and sometimes can't even believe it--because I grew up wearing clothes we sometimes stole from the Salvation Army bin in the dead of night, and I never heard the end of that from my peers at the time.)

SO--Target had a lot of mondo good deals on clearance today, especially men's shirts. Mr. Salted wears a Medium, so I can *always* find cool things for him at good prices, but today they had some XXLs and some XLs on the sale racks, too--three of them were only $1.74! I made an immediate executive decision to buy myself a couple of things for post-WLS--nothing over $15, or smaller than an XL. (I think it might take an actual act of God--in whom I'm not quite certain that I believe in the first place--to get me under an XL again. Frankly, I can't even imagine being an XXL again.) So I have a couple of shirts in the next three or four sizes down that I paid very little for. I figured it was a good investment, and on some level shows actual positive thinking and good intentions on my part.

I looked longingly at all the cute summer dresses and pajamas they had for "normal" (ha) women and thought to myself, Wow...maybe next year I will be able to fit into some of those things and actually be able to buy cute stuff for affordable prices--in other words, get out from under the dreaded FAT TAX. There are a very few stores--such as Catherine's and Fashion Bug--that have reasonably-priced, basic clothing of decent quality for plus-size women up to size 5X (30/32), but they are so few and far between--and I read online not too long ago that the mother company of those two stores was in financial trouble, which is distressing. (I just found the perfect bra at Fashion Bug a couple of months ago, and every woman reading this knows how impossible that is--and how once you do find the perfect bra, it is immediately discontinued. But I digress.) I really WANT TO KNOW: what is it LIKE to be able to walk into Target and buy something presentable (and fashionable) to wear for only $25-40? Or LESS? The fact that the first place I go to look for anything for myself is the men's department is telling in and of itself. (I "outgrew" the women's section years ago.) For basics like T-shirts, men's tend to be sturdier, cheaper, and come in better colors anyway--I have no problem there--but if I really need something, like a pair of shorts, I have to hope the men's section has something in my waist size that doesn't look overly masculine. It's rather depressing to contemplate the more I think about it. No wonder I became the Queen of Mail Order/Online among my acquaintances before I was even out of my teens. And I have some really nice clothes, but let me tell you, they were NOT cheap. A decent bathing suit for me in my current size is at least $120. A bra can be as much as $70. (Who has that kind of money? No wonder my VISA is maxed out.) Ironically, Ebay has been a godsend, particularly for professional or designer clothes, and many of the listings included: "I had gastric bypass surgery! My loss is your gain!"