20 pounds--gone.

I weighed myself this morning, and I have lost a total of 20 pounds since August 3. (25 since the blog photo.) That's about a pound a day. I can't even get my head around it; I don't look any different to myself. I guess some clothes are looser, and I feel pretty good, but it's just like, holy cow, 20 pounds already. Maybe this is really going to work!

My stamina is still just not there at all. I tested it by going to Costco with Mr. Salted this morning. He wouldn't let me lift anything, of course. By the time we were leaving the store, my face was pouring sweat, like I'd had an aerobic workout. He made me sit in the car while he put the groceries in the trunk, and I was grateful because I was completely tapped out. When we got home, he instructed me to go sit or lie down and he would unload--he didn't want me overextending myself. I immediately stretched out and took a nap. It's humbling to have your body say to you, this is all we can do now. I believe in listening to it! But like I told him, I want to make myself do little things like that and not just be bedridden constantly so I can begin to build myself up again for real life. When the twisting and bending over stops hurting, I'm going to start doing Sit and Be Fit (because of my ankle). I have that surgery coming up in about six weeks as well. (I hope I can get back to work for a couple of weeks at least and make a little money in between.)

I had also been concerned about my calorie intake since my nutritionist appointment. Actually, I'd been obsessing about it and I finally emailed my nutritionist for guidance. I was fixating on "300-400 calories a day post-op", which I had read somewhere, and I told her I fall more in the 600-700 category. Every protein shake is about 160 calories. Four tablespoons of Amino 2222, which I like to put in a bottle with water and sugar-free drink mix, is 160 calories. It seems to be the magic number, and it adds up quickly. She told me my goal should actually be about 400-600 calories a day and that I was right where I needed to be and doing a great job. She also told me she was glad I emailed and to email anytime (she's so nice). Weighing myself this morning, of course, made me feel better. Just like not obsessing about calories, I have to really work at not obsessively weighing myself. Old bulimic thought patterns is all it is. I'm just glad it's working.

I think I am going to be able to go off pain pills this week and just do ibuprofen and muscle relaxers or something. I hope so, anyway--then I could conceivably start driving before too much longer.

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

...is a really annoying song. I love "You Don't Own Me", though. An early feminist classic.

Yesterday, I was feeling pretty good and sunny, and today the invisible, yet all-encompassing cloak o' fatigue draped itself around my shoulders and whispered in my ear, "You are going to be worthless today." And so it came to pass that the cloak, by cracky, was correct. I was going to try to do a fun thing with some friends, and knew there was no way it was going to happen. I was not asleep most of the day, but neither was I awake. I was nodding off while I typed, nodding off while I talked on the phone, nodding off while I watched TV. I felt like a heroin addict looks. (I don't want to know what I looked like.) I don't feel down mood-wise or anything--I'm just very, very tired. My incisions still hurt, and I know the heavy-duty narcotics they have me on aren't known for their juicing-up powers.

I passed the day by dozing in front of bad court shows, canceling my plans with my understanding and supportive friends, and calling my aunt, who just had a knee replacement and is in a rehab center for a couple of weeks. It was nice to chat with everyone. I was roundly ignored by all three of my traitorous felines--no wonder I want a dog.

I also looked at clothes online on my laptop and bought a couple of things on Ebay, a size or two down, of course. I don't know why I'm looking at clothes so much all of a sudden, except that once I have to start all over, I get to start all over! I still love the vintage, goth, and hippie-inspired things of my youth, and now I'll be able to fit into some of them. I can't dye my hair blue, but I have to get past wanting to do that. Speaking of dyeing hair, a lot of people have commented that they like the blonde. I wasn't expecting that.

Today's food experiment was to peel, chop, and puree half an apple, two tablespoons of peanut butter and a cup of chocolate Soy Slender in the blender. It was pretty good--only slightly lumpy. 14 grams of protein, at any rate.