Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

...is a really annoying song. I love "You Don't Own Me", though. An early feminist classic.

Yesterday, I was feeling pretty good and sunny, and today the invisible, yet all-encompassing cloak o' fatigue draped itself around my shoulders and whispered in my ear, "You are going to be worthless today." And so it came to pass that the cloak, by cracky, was correct. I was going to try to do a fun thing with some friends, and knew there was no way it was going to happen. I was not asleep most of the day, but neither was I awake. I was nodding off while I typed, nodding off while I talked on the phone, nodding off while I watched TV. I felt like a heroin addict looks. (I don't want to know what I looked like.) I don't feel down mood-wise or anything--I'm just very, very tired. My incisions still hurt, and I know the heavy-duty narcotics they have me on aren't known for their juicing-up powers.

I passed the day by dozing in front of bad court shows, canceling my plans with my understanding and supportive friends, and calling my aunt, who just had a knee replacement and is in a rehab center for a couple of weeks. It was nice to chat with everyone. I was roundly ignored by all three of my traitorous felines--no wonder I want a dog.

I also looked at clothes online on my laptop and bought a couple of things on Ebay, a size or two down, of course. I don't know why I'm looking at clothes so much all of a sudden, except that once I have to start all over, I get to start all over! I still love the vintage, goth, and hippie-inspired things of my youth, and now I'll be able to fit into some of them. I can't dye my hair blue, but I have to get past wanting to do that. Speaking of dyeing hair, a lot of people have commented that they like the blonde. I wasn't expecting that.

Today's food experiment was to peel, chop, and puree half an apple, two tablespoons of peanut butter and a cup of chocolate Soy Slender in the blender. It was pretty good--only slightly lumpy. 14 grams of protein, at any rate.

Ankle

I saw the exercise physiologist yesterday. I told him the last session had blown out the ankle so bad (it hasn't been the same since) that I was finally going to bite the bullet and go to a specialist about it. He recommended someone, and I have an appointment with them Tuesday. (More medical bills we can't afford! Whoopdedoo.)

It surprised me how much even the strength training hurts it. My fear is that they won't be able to find anything wrong with it, but something has to be wrong with it, or it wouldn't be feeling like this. I did break it pretty badly back in the day (almost 25 years ago). It has been giving out randomly for the last ten years. The last year, though, it has given out more and more frequently, every few months, and then down to every few weeks.

I have my six-month session with the exercise physiologist next month, and the six-month nutritionist appointment a couple of days later. Then we resubmit to insurance for approval and after approval, I get the pre-surgery stuff done and voila! Surgery should definitely be in early July. I have to miss some fun stuff this summer while I recover, but there will continue to be fun stuff going on in the future--and hopefully, it will be a lot more fun for me because I won't have this permanent case of the drag-ass/lack of stamina that my weight exacerbates now. I was never a super high-energy person, even as a kid, but I have bursts of energy when something fun is going on. Hopefully I will get them more often!

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I heard an old friend of mine, younger than myself, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer yesterday. This is the third person I know under the age of 40 to get cancer JUST THIS YEAR. I know there are no guarantees in life and all that, but still want to know why all the nice people get cancer while the psychotic jackasses (thank you, "Veronica Mars") seem to live forever.

Edit, a few days later: my friend had a 10-pound benign tumor removed by emergency surgery. Woohoo!!!