Saw him yesterday. I think it was a better appointment. We joked around about our cats and how crazy they are. It's amazing how many people I've met who I had nothing in common with except telling pet stories. It's made many conversations and situations a lot less awkward over the years.
I did 25 minutes on the treadmill, and I could feel it, but wasn't in pain and am not today, thankfully. I am going to try walking again as my regular exercise and hope my ankle doesn't give out. He suggested I get a walking stick. It will double as a weapon, so that cheers me. Giggle.
He also taught me some strength training exercises. They were really similar to the type of exercises I've been given in physical therapy in the past. (I need to go buy an exercise ball to do a couple of them. I hope the cats don't pop it.) I also need some heavier free weights; mine are only a pound.
He told me I wasn't the most difficult patient he's ever had, which made me laugh, because it can be a lot more difficult if he wants; I am actually making an effort not to be. He also suggested I see a psychologist if I was able to because it might really help with my feelings around exercise. I know I need to, but I just don't think we can afford any more copays. I did call the insurance for a list of providers.
The towels at his office say "MOVE IT" which I guess, on some level, is cute, but in that sick-making way that makes my face twist like I've been sucking a lemon. (I'm not one of these motivational types, or perhaps I should say I'm not motivated by what is "supposed to" motivate people. Never have been.) He also said something about how exercise shouldn't be too comfortable or it isn't really doing you any good, because you have to push your body past the point of what it has adapted to. My response to that is: if you have had any part in motivating me to exercise three times a week for more than a month or two, you have effectively performed the miracle of your lifetime. I'm not going to turn into a triathlete, nor am I trying to. I'm trying to remember what my friend said about his guidelines being for an ideal world.
It all goes back to perfectionism, too--not wanting to do anything you cannot do perfectly, much less that you might fail completely. I've already failed at it completely several times. I think of exercise as torture, because it has essentially been used against me that way in the past, and not just in P. E. classes in school like everyone else. That's probably why I need the psychologist. Sigh.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Blech
This last week I have felt rather uninspired to tow the line. I totally blew my diet as of Valentine's Day, if you can call it a diet...the half-price chocolate was just too tempting. I haven't been in the mood to exercise that much, and I see the exercise physiologist again tomorrow. I'm really going to get to the bottom of why I have to see him; if he's not going to teach me something I don't already know, I'm not going to keep racking up the fees just to write more crap in a journal or whatever.
Had a really good talk with a friend of mine today; she was talking about how what "they" want me to do is in a perfect world, not what a real person is going to end up doing, and that I'll have to modify their guidelines to fit my life and not take it personally if I don't meet every goal they set, because all their advice and suggestions aren't going to work for me. It made total sense.
My friend and I talked about some other interesting stuff too--such as the way exercise forces a person to be present in their body, whether they like to be or not. Articulating that fact made me realize (dingdingdingding) that is *exactly* why I am so uncomfortable with exercise, considering that separating myself from my body has been a coping mechanism for me for most of my life, and when I'm not separate from my body, I'm hyperaware of everything that touches it. If I'm not physically comfortable, I am completely freaked out--even when I just get dressed up, I'm really irritable until I can get into comfortable clothes again, to the point where I can't even enjoy myself because I can't stop thinking about how miserable the clothes feel.
The nutrition piece of this process isn't bothering me nearly as much as the exercise stuff is; I've been working on eating healthier for a long time. It is a trip for me to be eating things like raw zucchini with hummus on a regular basis; I've come a long way from the Doritos and other convenience store staples of yesteryear. But so many other issues are tied up in the whole exercise thing than I ever really realized, and that is really discouraging to face right now.
Had a really good talk with a friend of mine today; she was talking about how what "they" want me to do is in a perfect world, not what a real person is going to end up doing, and that I'll have to modify their guidelines to fit my life and not take it personally if I don't meet every goal they set, because all their advice and suggestions aren't going to work for me. It made total sense.
My friend and I talked about some other interesting stuff too--such as the way exercise forces a person to be present in their body, whether they like to be or not. Articulating that fact made me realize (dingdingdingding) that is *exactly* why I am so uncomfortable with exercise, considering that separating myself from my body has been a coping mechanism for me for most of my life, and when I'm not separate from my body, I'm hyperaware of everything that touches it. If I'm not physically comfortable, I am completely freaked out--even when I just get dressed up, I'm really irritable until I can get into comfortable clothes again, to the point where I can't even enjoy myself because I can't stop thinking about how miserable the clothes feel.
The nutrition piece of this process isn't bothering me nearly as much as the exercise stuff is; I've been working on eating healthier for a long time. It is a trip for me to be eating things like raw zucchini with hummus on a regular basis; I've come a long way from the Doritos and other convenience store staples of yesteryear. But so many other issues are tied up in the whole exercise thing than I ever really realized, and that is really discouraging to face right now.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Four Strategies To Control Cravings
This is the exercise the nutritionist gave me to do when I saw her last. I'm completely flunking this entire assignment. Turns out I'm rather strong-willed! Who knew? :o) Everything in parentheses is me being snarky about what the assignment says; it's my blog and I'll snark if I want to.
1. Self-talk--use motivational statements that reiterate the benefits of sticking to a plan and remind you of health goals.
2. Distraction--trying not to think about a craving, doing or thinking something besides about the craving
3. Breath-based relaxation--breathing that allows the mind to return to its rational base
4. Mindfulness--noticing and witnessing craving thoughts as they pass, without an attachment or identification to them.
Psychologist Pavel Somov, author of the book Eating the Moment (note: the bulk of the nutritionist assignments come from this book), recommends testing each strategy to determine which is most effective for you in treating your cravings. Then you can use which one works for you best when you need it. This will help take the guesswork out of it when you are in an unpredictable situation. Use the following exercises from Somov's Eating the Moment, keeping a log to determine which craving control method worked best for you. You might want to log how long the craving took to subside. You can even try combining some of the strategies. Mindfulness and breath-based relaxation work particularly well together.
Exercise 1--Mindfulness
With mindfulness, you are letting go of any attempt of your mind to block the craving. Instead, you let cravings into your mind and just notice them as thoughts and sensations. Mindfulness is a form of control by letting go of control.
Create a craving control routine. Choose a location in your home for your craving control area. Make it a place where you can sit. Then allow yourself to notice your thoughts and witness cravings. Avoid eating in the craving control chair at all costs.
Think, "This is just a craving. I am not a craving. A craving is just a part of me, a fleeting, transient, insignificant part of me, not even worth my attention." Then add a touch of bravado, notice the craving with scorn, and give it some attitude. "A craving, whoopdedoo. This shall pass. Craving, my ass!"
(OK, first it said mindfulness was just noticing and witnessing the cravings. Then it wants me to define the whole thing and get all metaphysical and, dare I say it, control the craving with my newfound bravado. I wasn't identifying with it in the first place, because they told me not to, so why do I have to tell it off? I am not threatened. Is this not contradictory as all get-out?)
2. Exercise 2--Breath-based relaxation
Find a place to sit down. Close your eyes. Self-induce a craving.
(This made me snort; no self-induction of a craving is necessary in my world. Wait a a little while, one will happen on its own, just like the sun, moon, tides, etc. Trust me.)
Pay attention to your breath. Notice the up and down movement of your chest, air in and out of your nose, and the in and out of your stomach. You can practice pausing after you exhale. Don't hold your breath, just pause. Do this for a few minutes or until the craving passes. Imagine inhaling relaxation and exhaling the craving.
(So I breathe in and out a couple of times and suddenly I don't want the chocolate anymore? I'm not seeing the connection. I just want it slightly more calmly than I did before.)
3. Exercise 3--Self-Talk
Self-talk is what you tell yourself. It is an internal dialogue of the pros and cons of a behavior. (italics mine) (Really? I just thought it was that voice that told me, more often than not, what a worthless piece of shit I am, and then there's an argument...oh brother.) The first way to test self-talk is during a craving to make a list of pros and cons, either in writing or mentally. (The pros and cons of eating the chocolate? Or not eating the chocolate? It isn't rocket science, people.) The other test for self-talk is to determine a mantra or repeating phrase to yourself. These can be self-affirmations, motivational statements, or catchphrases. One example might be, "I eat to live, not live to eat." (This may be true, but (a) platitudes annoy me and (b) chocolate tastes really, really, REALLY good, it makes my deep breaths better and more productive, it gets me closer to my happy place, and I'm *extremely* sick of the raw vegetables, the endless water, and the blankety-blank-blank !@#$%^&* food diary. I want some damn chocolate. I want some damn chocolate. I WANT SOME DAMN CHOCOLATE. NOW!!!!)
Exercise 4--Distractions
Distractions are a way to purposely divert your attention from the craving onto something else. (I thought that only worked for dogs, cats and sometimes toddlers.) The more involved or intense the distraction, the more likely it will succeed. One test is to take a cold shower during a craving. (My skin would fall off if I took cold showers every time I had a craving, and I'd keep my husband awake.) It is likely you will crave a warm towel rather than food by the end. (Yeah, but I know me. I'll crave both, as they are not mutually exclusive. I'm no fool.) You can try your own distraction as well if this sounds too radical. If you choose a different distraction, stick with it for a minimum of fifteen minutes and don't reenter yourself into your trigger environment. (My brain *is* my trigger environment. If I knew how to turn it off, I would sleep well and be ever so much more perky, now wouldn't I? Hell, I'd leave it in a locker for a few days every once in a while.) Some examples are 1) if you listen to music, crank it up and dance for at least 3 songs or 2) if you do a crossword puzzle, yell out the words as loud as you can.
(Sigh. I'm all out of words.)
1. Self-talk--use motivational statements that reiterate the benefits of sticking to a plan and remind you of health goals.
2. Distraction--trying not to think about a craving, doing or thinking something besides about the craving
3. Breath-based relaxation--breathing that allows the mind to return to its rational base
4. Mindfulness--noticing and witnessing craving thoughts as they pass, without an attachment or identification to them.
Psychologist Pavel Somov, author of the book Eating the Moment (note: the bulk of the nutritionist assignments come from this book), recommends testing each strategy to determine which is most effective for you in treating your cravings. Then you can use which one works for you best when you need it. This will help take the guesswork out of it when you are in an unpredictable situation. Use the following exercises from Somov's Eating the Moment, keeping a log to determine which craving control method worked best for you. You might want to log how long the craving took to subside. You can even try combining some of the strategies. Mindfulness and breath-based relaxation work particularly well together.
Exercise 1--Mindfulness
With mindfulness, you are letting go of any attempt of your mind to block the craving. Instead, you let cravings into your mind and just notice them as thoughts and sensations. Mindfulness is a form of control by letting go of control.
Create a craving control routine. Choose a location in your home for your craving control area. Make it a place where you can sit. Then allow yourself to notice your thoughts and witness cravings. Avoid eating in the craving control chair at all costs.
Think, "This is just a craving. I am not a craving. A craving is just a part of me, a fleeting, transient, insignificant part of me, not even worth my attention." Then add a touch of bravado, notice the craving with scorn, and give it some attitude. "A craving, whoopdedoo. This shall pass. Craving, my ass!"
(OK, first it said mindfulness was just noticing and witnessing the cravings. Then it wants me to define the whole thing and get all metaphysical and, dare I say it, control the craving with my newfound bravado. I wasn't identifying with it in the first place, because they told me not to, so why do I have to tell it off? I am not threatened. Is this not contradictory as all get-out?)
2. Exercise 2--Breath-based relaxation
Find a place to sit down. Close your eyes. Self-induce a craving.
(This made me snort; no self-induction of a craving is necessary in my world. Wait a a little while, one will happen on its own, just like the sun, moon, tides, etc. Trust me.)
Pay attention to your breath. Notice the up and down movement of your chest, air in and out of your nose, and the in and out of your stomach. You can practice pausing after you exhale. Don't hold your breath, just pause. Do this for a few minutes or until the craving passes. Imagine inhaling relaxation and exhaling the craving.
(So I breathe in and out a couple of times and suddenly I don't want the chocolate anymore? I'm not seeing the connection. I just want it slightly more calmly than I did before.)
3. Exercise 3--Self-Talk
Self-talk is what you tell yourself. It is an internal dialogue of the pros and cons of a behavior. (italics mine) (Really? I just thought it was that voice that told me, more often than not, what a worthless piece of shit I am, and then there's an argument...oh brother.) The first way to test self-talk is during a craving to make a list of pros and cons, either in writing or mentally. (The pros and cons of eating the chocolate? Or not eating the chocolate? It isn't rocket science, people.) The other test for self-talk is to determine a mantra or repeating phrase to yourself. These can be self-affirmations, motivational statements, or catchphrases. One example might be, "I eat to live, not live to eat." (This may be true, but (a) platitudes annoy me and (b) chocolate tastes really, really, REALLY good, it makes my deep breaths better and more productive, it gets me closer to my happy place, and I'm *extremely* sick of the raw vegetables, the endless water, and the blankety-blank-blank !@#$%^&* food diary. I want some damn chocolate. I want some damn chocolate. I WANT SOME DAMN CHOCOLATE. NOW!!!!)
Exercise 4--Distractions
Distractions are a way to purposely divert your attention from the craving onto something else. (I thought that only worked for dogs, cats and sometimes toddlers.) The more involved or intense the distraction, the more likely it will succeed. One test is to take a cold shower during a craving. (My skin would fall off if I took cold showers every time I had a craving, and I'd keep my husband awake.) It is likely you will crave a warm towel rather than food by the end. (Yeah, but I know me. I'll crave both, as they are not mutually exclusive. I'm no fool.) You can try your own distraction as well if this sounds too radical. If you choose a different distraction, stick with it for a minimum of fifteen minutes and don't reenter yourself into your trigger environment. (My brain *is* my trigger environment. If I knew how to turn it off, I would sleep well and be ever so much more perky, now wouldn't I? Hell, I'd leave it in a locker for a few days every once in a while.) Some examples are 1) if you listen to music, crank it up and dance for at least 3 songs or 2) if you do a crossword puzzle, yell out the words as loud as you can.
(Sigh. I'm all out of words.)
Pain level still crazy high
I tried to do the bike again yesterday, made it ten minutes, and woke up with the off-the-charts pain level again today. This is insane. Why would a recumbent bike cause this much pain, all the way up the spine and back of my neck? I'm going to try something different tomorrow, either walking or aerobics from one of the DVDs. I might have to bite the bullet and find a way to get a pool membership despite the fact we really can't afford to do that *and* keep me in bathing suits (decent fat-lady bathing suits are not cheap) with me not working. I'm definitely going to talk to Mr. Exercise Guy about it.
I couldn't get the heart monitor that I had bought to work, so I have to get Mr. EG to help me with that, too. I purposely bought the least complicated one and still couldn't figure it out, nor could my husband.
I couldn't get the heart monitor that I had bought to work, so I have to get Mr. EG to help me with that, too. I purposely bought the least complicated one and still couldn't figure it out, nor could my husband.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Pain level off the charts
Yesterday--the day after the exercise physiologist appointment--I was a bit sore, particularly in the hips. It was what felt like a "normal" level of pain the day after after working out like I did.
So today, I wake up and my pain level is off. the. charts. Hips, shoulders, my entire spine, my neck. I get up and soak in a hot bath, thinking maybe I'll try exercising later in the day. The way I feel now post-bath, and I'm supposed to do all this cardio today? Bitch, please. The t'ai chi would probably be about all I could take.
I used to take neurontin for pain management (prescribed by a shrink) and it was somewhat effective. After a couple of years, I didn't feel that it helped enough to warrant the dosage (I was taking 3600 mg/day) and expense, plus I didn't like what I was hearing about the drug. So I stopped taking it a couple of years ago. I haven't been on anything continually for pain since. I try to get by with the occasional Advil, Tylenol, and if it's really bad, a muscle relaxer called Robaxin/Methocarbomol that is an "as needed" prescription. Our progressive Canadian friends have made it over the counter up there, bless their hearts; wish we weren't consistently so far behind when it comes to OTC drugs.
I have wondered for about 15 years if I had fibromyalgia or some other chronic pain issue, but with lack of insurance and/or all the other health problems I've had, checking it out thoroughly has always been on the back burner. I also know how doctors are; most see I'm fat and stop listening. (My thin friends with similar physical challenges have been treated verrrrry differently.) Now, of course, I hope that weight loss surgery is going to help by giving me a tool to help lose the weight and not put so much stress on my body. I think I can do cardio three times a week, but I may have to work up to it.
So today, I wake up and my pain level is off. the. charts. Hips, shoulders, my entire spine, my neck. I get up and soak in a hot bath, thinking maybe I'll try exercising later in the day. The way I feel now post-bath, and I'm supposed to do all this cardio today? Bitch, please. The t'ai chi would probably be about all I could take.
I used to take neurontin for pain management (prescribed by a shrink) and it was somewhat effective. After a couple of years, I didn't feel that it helped enough to warrant the dosage (I was taking 3600 mg/day) and expense, plus I didn't like what I was hearing about the drug. So I stopped taking it a couple of years ago. I haven't been on anything continually for pain since. I try to get by with the occasional Advil, Tylenol, and if it's really bad, a muscle relaxer called Robaxin/Methocarbomol that is an "as needed" prescription. Our progressive Canadian friends have made it over the counter up there, bless their hearts; wish we weren't consistently so far behind when it comes to OTC drugs.
I have wondered for about 15 years if I had fibromyalgia or some other chronic pain issue, but with lack of insurance and/or all the other health problems I've had, checking it out thoroughly has always been on the back burner. I also know how doctors are; most see I'm fat and stop listening. (My thin friends with similar physical challenges have been treated verrrrry differently.) Now, of course, I hope that weight loss surgery is going to help by giving me a tool to help lose the weight and not put so much stress on my body. I think I can do cardio three times a week, but I may have to work up to it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
More about exercise physiology (from our friend the Internet)
Exercise physiologists are physiologists specializing in exercise. They monitor and assess cardiovascular and metabolic effects as well as the mechanisms of exercise, replenishment of fluids during exercise, and exercise specifically as it pertains to cardiac and musculoskeletal rehabilitation and health.
An exercise physiologist may perform fitness evaluations and recommend exercise programs to maintain overall health. They can also choose to focus on specialties such as cardiology, sports medicine, respiratory therapy or physical therapy. Their duties may include the identification of risks in their patients or rehabilitation programs in conjunction with those of other healthcare professionals.
In an academic setting, exercise physiologists may teach courses pertaining to medicine, physiology, or any number of other health-related fields. Other settings that may employ exercise physiologists include community organization venues, health clubs, recreation centers, or commercial and industrial facilities. They may also be employed in clinical settings prescribing exercise for cardiac and pulmonary patients. There are also many potential opportunities for research on aging, rehabilitation of muscle injuries, and the health benefits of exercise in general, particularly since the emphasis on illness prevention and promoting good health through exercise continues to increase.
Education requirements for an exercise physiologist may vary depending on the employment setting. A master's degree in exercise physiology is usually the minimum requirement. To hold an exercise physiology position in organizations or commercial settings, an undergraduate degree in physical education, exercise or health sciences, and nutrition may be helpful. Additional training in physical therapy and kinesiology is valuable for employment in a health-related setting. For an academic career in research or teaching, a PhD is required. Certification requirements for exercise physiologists in most states are not yet well established, but for those not pursuing an academic career in this field, the certification is available through the American College of Sports Medicine for exercise test technologist, exercise specialist, or health and fitness director. ACSM's highest certification is currently program director; continuing education hours are required every four years for recertification.
An exercise physiologist may perform fitness evaluations and recommend exercise programs to maintain overall health. They can also choose to focus on specialties such as cardiology, sports medicine, respiratory therapy or physical therapy. Their duties may include the identification of risks in their patients or rehabilitation programs in conjunction with those of other healthcare professionals.
In an academic setting, exercise physiologists may teach courses pertaining to medicine, physiology, or any number of other health-related fields. Other settings that may employ exercise physiologists include community organization venues, health clubs, recreation centers, or commercial and industrial facilities. They may also be employed in clinical settings prescribing exercise for cardiac and pulmonary patients. There are also many potential opportunities for research on aging, rehabilitation of muscle injuries, and the health benefits of exercise in general, particularly since the emphasis on illness prevention and promoting good health through exercise continues to increase.
Education requirements for an exercise physiologist may vary depending on the employment setting. A master's degree in exercise physiology is usually the minimum requirement. To hold an exercise physiology position in organizations or commercial settings, an undergraduate degree in physical education, exercise or health sciences, and nutrition may be helpful. Additional training in physical therapy and kinesiology is valuable for employment in a health-related setting. For an academic career in research or teaching, a PhD is required. Certification requirements for exercise physiologists in most states are not yet well established, but for those not pursuing an academic career in this field, the certification is available through the American College of Sports Medicine for exercise test technologist, exercise specialist, or health and fitness director. ACSM's highest certification is currently program director; continuing education hours are required every four years for recertification.
Exercise physiologist
I saw the exercise physiologist yesterday for the first time. Due to the various continuing insurance snafus I'm dealing with, I have been without sleep medication for weeks and without antidepressants for several days, so I felt about an inch tall when I went in there. (Thank G-d, they both got here today.) He was nice, and I was my usual blunt and honest self, so I'm sure I presented quite the challenge.
I have a T-shirt that reads: "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck." (I do push my luck, at least verbally, but I think of it more as participating in life than anything.) I really, really hate basically anything to do with exercise. The things I like to do best are all sedentary activities--reading, writing, watching movies. When I travel, I like to relax. It doesn't mean I just sit on a couch stuffing my face with cookies, it just means I like to read and be on the computer and don't tend to move a lot. Dancing is a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed doing that when I was younger and lighter. Of course, there is also the possibility of negative comments, which make it a lot less fun. I do still dance sometimes, but I get uncomfortable quickly and don't have much stamina. I enjoy lap swimming, although anxiety surrounding being in public in a bathing suit cancels the enjoyment out of it. The arthritis/bursitis/joint pain I've had since I was young (it started to get bad about age 25 for me) doesn't help, and it's a vicious cycle; you don't move because it hurts, and it makes it harder to move when you don't move. Feh.
I started walking outdoors a lot last year, but my ankle kept giving out at random and getting twisted and sprained, plus you never know when some jackhole is going to drive by and scream or throw something. I bought a recumbent stationery bike, but it hurts my joints (knees, ankles, hips) to even do that for more than 10 minutes. ("Why don't you read on the recumbent bike?" my friend asked me. My response: "It interferes with my cursing.")
So optimally, they want me doing 30 minutes in the target heart-rate zone and 15 minutes cooling down after that four times a week. I'll do the best I can, but when stuff starts to really hurt, I stop doing it. (In the immortal words of Daffy Duck, "I don't like pain. Pain hurts me.") It sounds like I'm just making excuses, but people don't see me walking around like Quasimodo in the mornings with my joints sounding like popcorn. The t'ai chi is basically worthless--it's a good "day off" activity--but is it really a day off if I'm still doing t'ai chi? A day off means hallelujah, no exercise. Feh x 2. Of COURSE the t'ai chi isn't worth anything, I was actually enjoying it and it wasn't causing me physical discomfort!
The exercise physiologist was explaining to me about different kinds of pain with exercise, oxygen getting to cells, etc., and how after about two weeks the good kind of pain dissipates. He also told me the latest research showed that it wasn't beneficial to stretch cold muscles, saying that it was better to just do it after a workout. That was something I had never heard. People in better cardiovascular health have a better chance of not developing complications from surgery, recover faster, etc., which goes without saying.
The first part of the exercise physiology assessment was cardiovascular, so I did about 15 minutes on the recumbent bike with him. True to form, everything hurts today. I see him again next week for the strength part of the assessment. I bought a heart-rate monitor that is kind of cool--you put a band around your upper abdomen and wear a watch, so you know what your heart rate is. I went for the bottom-of-the-line model with basic information; there was one available with more bells and whistles that tracks calories burned and stuff like that, but I don't want to go there. I can look at a clock and tell how many minutes I've worked out, and the number on the watch is the heart rate, so that's straightforward enough. I'm just going to make it part of the food journal in terms of tracking it.
I told him my biggest concern with exercise is learning to motivate myself to do it just because it is good for me/for my health, not to be so *extremely* goal-oriented that it feeds into old perfectionism/defeatism and eating-disordered behaviors, etc. (Although I didn't say "eating-disordered behaviors"; I probably should have. But he's not a therapist per se, I didn't feel like I should tell him my whole life story. Of course, I really didn't want to be there in the first place, so there was that, too.) Toward the end, he asked me if there was anything else I wanted to tell him and in retrospect, maybe that was a hint that I should have disclosed more. I can always tell him next time.
I didn't know what an exercise physiologist even was, so I asked him a lot of questions. He said it was a lot like a physical therapist that also focused on the heart and lungs as opposed to just joints and muscles. It sounds like a very competitive field. I'm glad he is such a nice guy. He was certainly patient.
I saw the term "exercise resistance syndrome" in a book, which cracked me up. I think it's safe to say I have it. With bells on.
I have a T-shirt that reads: "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck." (I do push my luck, at least verbally, but I think of it more as participating in life than anything.) I really, really hate basically anything to do with exercise. The things I like to do best are all sedentary activities--reading, writing, watching movies. When I travel, I like to relax. It doesn't mean I just sit on a couch stuffing my face with cookies, it just means I like to read and be on the computer and don't tend to move a lot. Dancing is a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed doing that when I was younger and lighter. Of course, there is also the possibility of negative comments, which make it a lot less fun. I do still dance sometimes, but I get uncomfortable quickly and don't have much stamina. I enjoy lap swimming, although anxiety surrounding being in public in a bathing suit cancels the enjoyment out of it. The arthritis/bursitis/joint pain I've had since I was young (it started to get bad about age 25 for me) doesn't help, and it's a vicious cycle; you don't move because it hurts, and it makes it harder to move when you don't move. Feh.
I started walking outdoors a lot last year, but my ankle kept giving out at random and getting twisted and sprained, plus you never know when some jackhole is going to drive by and scream or throw something. I bought a recumbent stationery bike, but it hurts my joints (knees, ankles, hips) to even do that for more than 10 minutes. ("Why don't you read on the recumbent bike?" my friend asked me. My response: "It interferes with my cursing.")
So optimally, they want me doing 30 minutes in the target heart-rate zone and 15 minutes cooling down after that four times a week. I'll do the best I can, but when stuff starts to really hurt, I stop doing it. (In the immortal words of Daffy Duck, "I don't like pain. Pain hurts me.") It sounds like I'm just making excuses, but people don't see me walking around like Quasimodo in the mornings with my joints sounding like popcorn. The t'ai chi is basically worthless--it's a good "day off" activity--but is it really a day off if I'm still doing t'ai chi? A day off means hallelujah, no exercise. Feh x 2. Of COURSE the t'ai chi isn't worth anything, I was actually enjoying it and it wasn't causing me physical discomfort!
The exercise physiologist was explaining to me about different kinds of pain with exercise, oxygen getting to cells, etc., and how after about two weeks the good kind of pain dissipates. He also told me the latest research showed that it wasn't beneficial to stretch cold muscles, saying that it was better to just do it after a workout. That was something I had never heard. People in better cardiovascular health have a better chance of not developing complications from surgery, recover faster, etc., which goes without saying.
The first part of the exercise physiology assessment was cardiovascular, so I did about 15 minutes on the recumbent bike with him. True to form, everything hurts today. I see him again next week for the strength part of the assessment. I bought a heart-rate monitor that is kind of cool--you put a band around your upper abdomen and wear a watch, so you know what your heart rate is. I went for the bottom-of-the-line model with basic information; there was one available with more bells and whistles that tracks calories burned and stuff like that, but I don't want to go there. I can look at a clock and tell how many minutes I've worked out, and the number on the watch is the heart rate, so that's straightforward enough. I'm just going to make it part of the food journal in terms of tracking it.
I told him my biggest concern with exercise is learning to motivate myself to do it just because it is good for me/for my health, not to be so *extremely* goal-oriented that it feeds into old perfectionism/defeatism and eating-disordered behaviors, etc. (Although I didn't say "eating-disordered behaviors"; I probably should have. But he's not a therapist per se, I didn't feel like I should tell him my whole life story. Of course, I really didn't want to be there in the first place, so there was that, too.) Toward the end, he asked me if there was anything else I wanted to tell him and in retrospect, maybe that was a hint that I should have disclosed more. I can always tell him next time.
I didn't know what an exercise physiologist even was, so I asked him a lot of questions. He said it was a lot like a physical therapist that also focused on the heart and lungs as opposed to just joints and muscles. It sounds like a very competitive field. I'm glad he is such a nice guy. He was certainly patient.
I saw the term "exercise resistance syndrome" in a book, which cracked me up. I think it's safe to say I have it. With bells on.
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About Me
- Salted with Shadows
- Seattle, WA, United States
- This blog focuses largely on a personal journey to and through weight-loss surgery. It's also about reading, writing, animals, photography, love, humor, music, thinking out loud, and memes. In other words...life.
